The absence of your spouse after a divorce can feel sudden. You may have been anticipating your separation for a long time prior to the divorce but nothing can prepare you for the feeling once the fact has sunken in. Loneliness can feel consuming whether it occurs occasionally on a long weekend or is a constant weight dragging your life down – this feeling comes with any ending. It comes with grief; and grieving and feeling a sense of loss come regardless of any relationship. It is important though to remember that there is an end to this feeling. What matters is what you do with these feelings and teaching yourself to interpret them in a way that means you can better yourself and your life.
It’s important that you talk about your thoughts and feelings. Your friends, family, co-worker etc will almost always be willing to listen. If you feel that you need a more professional confidant, then you can find online free counsellors that would also be there to listen to you.
Letting people around you know what is going on is beneficial for acceptance of the situation and also lets them know that right now you need a little extra support, whether that be for the kids too or just yourself, knowing that someone is there for you is just what you need in order to begin to break free from the rut of grief.
Plan activities with your loved ones; a bit of shopping, or a morning walk can help you to feel productive and take your mind off things. You may be aware of particular times of year that are emotional challenges for you – the long weekend, Christmas, even your ex’s birthday. Use this as an opportunity to make plans, go to your parents for the weekend, go out for drinks with a work colleague on Friday night for a couple of hours before you go home and crash and watch Netflix or even plan to meet up with an old friend you haven’t seen in a while! As old habits fade, there’s no better time than now to introduce new ones.
Socialising and meeting new people is important, often times, especially when married for a long period of time, yours and your spouse’s friendship groups have crossed over, which can make for some potentially difficult interactions when you see them, especially if the divorce was non-amicable. This is why its important to get out there and meet new people. Head out to a bar on a Friday night, enjoy yourself! Or join a new group on Facebook and meet new people who have similar interests to you, whether it be dog-walking, baking, running. There’s a new group of friends out there waiting for you with open arms!
Accept how you’re feeling
An important rule of moving forward to a positive outlook is accepting how you are feeling. Don’t feel ashamed that you feel lonely or dependent on your spouse, this is normal, and you will move past this.
You can learn to adapt to this feeling of loneliness by doing some of the previously mentioned activities when you start to feel like this. You’ve all of sudden lost a person critical to your lifestyles. They are physically gone, as well as emotionally. You can feel disconnected and alienated from others. Whilst you grieve and heal your split, you could revel in intervals of loneliness that may be a common a part of the procedure in transferring ahead.
An instant relief to this feeling may be to get yourself into a new relationship, this is fine. But make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Don’t allow loneliness after your divorce push you to dive into something new too fast. In case you’re the use of a rebound relationship to avoid loneliness or the feelings of a ruin-up, you could want to reconsider. Alternatively, attempt spending some recuperation ti-me with yourself before embarking again on the courting course.
There is no time-limit on coping with a divorce but just know that it will come. Each day you will wake up one step closer to independence and you will start to regain a sense of self-assurance that you once has prior to your divorce. This is the start of a new and better you!