It’s never easy to cope if your spouse decides to leave you. No matter how long you’ve been together, it can be very difficult to manage in such a situation, especially if there are children involved. It’s only natural to be devastated, however rest assured that you will survive. Even though at first you may feel confused and shocked, there are ways to help yourself cope. Here is some advice to help point you in the right direction.
Express Your Emotions
It’s only normal to experience intense and sometimes overwhelming emotions at this time. Sadness, grief, shock, hatred, confusion, anguish, sorrow, disappointment, depression… all of these are completely natural. You are going through a traumatic time, so allow your feelings to flow. Don’t try to hold in your emotions. Feel free to scream and cry. However, it’s also important to recognise that this stage won’t last forever. You will eventually need to pick yourself up from this stage and movev on with your life.
Rely On Trusted Loved Ones
Rely on your friends and family. They care about you and love you and they’ll be there when you need their support. Don’t be afraid to take advantage of the support and comfort that they can offer you. You need someone to depend on at this difficult time.
Don’t Lose Your Self-Confidence
It can be very difficult to retain your self-esteem and self-confidence if your spouse decides to leave. However, it’s important to hold onto the face that you’re a loveable person. You have other people around you who care about you and, most importantly, you care about yourself. Don’t allow this experience to crush your spirit.
Don’t Hide Away
It can be very tempting to hide away at home during this difficult time, however it’s vital to go out. The more you hide away, you more isolated you’ll feel, so take the time to enjoy all the things which you enjoyed before. You may not feel positive or upbeat, but the more you get out there in public, the better you’ll start to feel.
Care For Yourself
Don’t neglect your own well-being. It’s important to show yourself that you care. Give yourself sufficient space and time to grieve and to get over your loss. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Cut yourself some slack. However don’t allow yourself to wallow in grief. If you’re struggling to cope and feel depressed and anxious, it’s time to talk to your doctor.
Be There For Your Family
If you have children, this is a very difficult time for them. You need to be there to help them through. It’s only natural for them to be confused and sad. They’ve lost stability in their lives. However, no matter how angry or upset you may be with your partner, it’s important to support and encourage your children’s relationship with them. It’s all about what’s best for your children, and they need both parents as much as possible so help to foster that relationship and keep it alive, no matter what.
Take Ownership Of Your Home
If your partner has left, it is no longer their home. It’s important to take ownership of what is yours. That involves taking down the photos and pictures of your spouse in public areas. If you’re used to sleeping on one side of a double bed, sleep right in the centre if you want to. In fact, buy some new bedding and make it your own. You should also embark on the cleaning process. Getting rid of remnants of your old life can help you to move on. If your partner has left items behind, pack them all away and tell them to collect them. As soon as their things are gone, you can start replacing them with more things of your own.
Look Forwards Not Back
Although it can be tempting to wallow in the past, it’s more important to look towards the future. Grasp your future as your own. Do the things that you enjoy and find new ways to live your best life. You can reinvent yourself if you want. Learn new things and take new opportunities. Who knows what life may have in store for you now that the world is your oyster?
Hire A Divorce Lawyer
It goes without saying that you need to choose the right divorce lawyer for you. Take the time and effort to research and find one which you can rely on and which you can have a positive working relationship with. You need to choose a divorce lawyer who has your best interests at heart and who is there to represent you through thick and thin, with the right understanding attitude that you need.
Handle Your Finances
If you were dependent on a joint income with your partner, it’s time to think about how you’re going to manage. This can be a difficult operation, but nevertheless, it’s an essential one. You’ll need to dig out paperwork, speak to your bank, prepare financial documents for your divorce lawyer and work out how you’re going to handle the bills. Once you’ve tackled this obstacle, you’ll feel experience greater peace of mind.
Get Some Therapy
If you’re struggling to cope, that’s quite normal but it doesn’t mean you have to carry on suffering. Seek out a counsellor who can help you through the process of separation. Also, take more exercise and eat properly. It can be tempting to lie on the sofa and eat ice cream or, conversely, to avoid eating at all. This won’t do you any good, physically, emotionally or mentally. Adopt a healthy lifestyle and it’ll help you to face the challenges that lie ahead.
Make New Friends
Having friends around you at this time is the best way forward. Join new groups and try new activities. Whether you love singing, running, performing or reading, there are groups out there that you can participate in which will help you to get out there again, socialising with others and forging new networks.
Although it’s never easy to cope with a spouse walking out on you, there is a life ahead. Move forward slowly one step after another. Eventually, the future will be bright.
If you need help with your divorce or separation call The Divorce Manager on 0800 294 0452 to book your FREE consultation.