Thinking about a life after divorce can seem daunting, starting from a fresh half-way through your life is scary, however, it can also be a great to new opportunity.
Throughout the process of divorce, it can seem like you are stuck in a tunnel with no light at the end, but I can assure you that this is certainly not the case, in fact, far from it.
Divorce itself can be draining emotionally, financially, mentally, and physically (of course we make it so that this is not the case here at The Divorce Manager), but the separation of a family is a sad time. Rebuilding your happiness though, can be easily achieved, you just need to take the right steps forward to do so.
Finding clarity and purpose in your life is important, the clarity that you do not need to be with your ex-partner to be able to lead a happy life or rely on others to build you up despite the fact it may not seem like it at the time, you have to strength to rebuild yourself, into a new and improved confident person who lets nothing drag them down especially not divorce!
Divorce is closing the last page of a sad and often unfulfilling book, to then open a new book one that brings you great happiness and joy. Mastering your thought process is an important way to build yourself back up. Any obstacles that life throws at you, you can deal with, your thought process may just need re-tuning in line with your new circumstances. This means that you look at negative things in your life, for example you are lonely after a divorce, think of this as an opportunity to appreciate your own company more, you are becoming independent and enjoying the time you are spending by yourself. Do not be dependent on others as this may lead you down some negative paths.
Rediscovering your identity is a necessity following divorce. This could mean finding the person that you used to be or even a new and improved version of yourself that you want to be- without your partner. Start to feel better about yourself and this new life that you are beginning to lead. Happiness does not come from others always; you can find it in yourself. Find things to do that make you happy, embrace your likes and hobbies. Find a new view on life- live for tomorrow not yesterday. Being able to rediscover yourself may seem like a hard concept to grasp but there are a few ways in which you can do this, for example:
- Give yourself a makeover, sometimes changing the way you look will change the way you feel. Of course, you do not have to change your appearance to feel better about yourself, but it certainly can help sometimes. A trip to the hairdressers/barbers to try a new colour or cut or if you are on a budget following your divorce, even popping a box hair dye on your hair, or trimming your beard can help you feel refreshed. Do a facemask, have a long relaxing bath, get your nails done (or just paint them yourself!), it is small steps things that make you feel so much better following a difficult part of your life. It is important to relax, if these are the steps that you feel may be helpful to do so then pamper away. Inspire to be like Madonna or George Clooney!!
- Making more new friends. It could be likely that you shared a lot of friends with your ex-partner so making new friends can be a fantastic way to get out more if you are feeling like you need some more social time. That could mean meeting up for a coffee, going out for a meal or drinks etc. There are many ways to meet new friends online one of which is through the website https://www.meetup.com/ . This website is great in that it allows you to view local upcoming social events that will enable you to meet people from your area that have similar interests to you. This can be s a major part of starting your new and improved life and can even help with leaving some friends you may consider ‘toxic’ in the past. You may not find friends that you ‘click with’ straight away, but don’t see this as a bad thing! The best friends are the hardest to find. It may take time but trust me- it’ll be worth it. New friends can bring you positivity and a new outlook on life; this will be great for improving your mindset.
- Train to become financially independent through a career. This could mean the same career as you are already In or starting a new career as part of your new life following divorce. By becoming more familiar with your financial situation, this will allow you more independence and control in terms of what is coming in and out of your accounts. When you think back to life with your ex-partner, you may realise how oblivious you were to accounts etc. but re-planning for things like pensions, mortgage and savings are sensible following the divorce. You may have to miss holidays occasionally, to prioritise, affording a new car is a common worry If your ex- partner took possession of the previous one you shared together and if you need transport like a car to commute to your job then having the ability to prioritise saving is extremely important. If children are involved remember to prioritise for savings if you ever find yourself in the situation where your child may need new school uniform or new shoes for example. Much like the car, you may find that essentials that you need like a toaster or a kettle were not left in your possession, make sure to budget some money to be able to afford those needs. You can always confide in professionals to help you through this process if it is completely beyond you, post-divorce.
- Do some exercise and eat healthily. This can help you to feel more confident and revitalised. Join a gym, golf club, running club or fitness classes. A healthy body equals a healthy mind, and this is extremely important in becoming the new you. Improving body image can help to build self-confidence and therefore you will notice yourself becoming a lot more positive in all aspects of your life.
It is important to remember that following your divorce it is not all darkness. It may seem like it at times but do not let that bring you down. Use the support around you like family and friends to help you along the journey. The rocky road from family life to divorce then independence in every way imaginable can sometimes seem unmanageable, but by re-evaluating your own self-worth, importance, and confidence you will be able to get through that road with complete ease. Civilised communication with your ex-partner can help, but not to worry if not, you will get there. Believe in yourself, surround yourself with positivity, and thrive in your new life!